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the thing that i really noticed about yours and the original is your complete lack of damage in the scene. I know a lot of it can be done with texture work but you want to push as much detail into the scene as possible i think. The broken wall to the right could really do with some more detail. Stick some Ru bar coming out of it, add some little bumps and more overhangs and also make it a bit taller, it looks taller in the original (looks like it nearly comes up past the lights).
Really nice apart from that though, just put more detail in before you start unwrapping.
Also... Is it part of your plan to leave out the corpses? They are the focus point of the scene i think, at least the guy in the middle. Tells a story.
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